So Monday my brother and dad came to see me and then a little later Matt and Amelia came as well.
We had Chinese for dinner and just hung out.. Dad brought me some pj pants/leggings a coloring book and crayons to pass the time some highlighters and a word search book and some hair ties.. Matt and Amelia stayed the night and then got up at 6 and drove home for matt to get back to work..
Tuesday Bobby and dad came back and hung out again. he brought snacks and a puzzle this time and then we had pizza a little later did some coloring <3 and then matt and Amelia came back to visit a bit to before we said goodbye. We had a good time. was emotional and all over the place but good..
Matt and Amelia stayed with me til I went to bed since I was emotional to make sure I was okay before they headed home for bed (they left pretty late but It was nice to have matts support)
So because those days I was up and moving and everything I decided to stay strictly in bed yesterday besides the bathroom and a shower. I wasn't really up to doing much just felt blah. then Morgan and Lindsey came to visit me and have dinner with me. we just opted for hospital food which might I add is pretty delish but ive had everything on the menu multiple times and am rather bored with it ;)
Today I woke up to a facebook message from kelly saying hey you should get a little surprise today! And sure enough I did! Chocolate covered strawberries which are delish! (totally recommend sharis berries... www.berries.com ) And I got two cards in the mail today as well! always cool getting mail something to brighten the day! especially when you aren't expecting it!.
This morning they were checking the babies heart rates and abby was laying on her cord making her hr drop but after moving around she got off of it! and then I saw two doctors today! the one is the specialist.. she did an ultrasound to check my cervix and then cleaned and re did the pessary.. good and bad news.. cervix is still only 1 cm dialated but instead of 1.3cm in length like 2 weeks ago its now 2mm in length! very short! and then my normal doctor is back from vacation so she came to talk to me.. said in 2 weeks she will consider sending me back to our hospital instead of here but they have to make sure the other hospital will take me back and all of that so its up in the air.. also im allowed to have wheelchair rides when I have someone to push me :D I will see the outside of these 4 walls soon! It makes me nervous! last time I went for a ride was the day I went into labor..
I feel like my body is failing me. Like why could I carry Amelia no problem and so forth to term no dilation til the day I delivered but now I can barely keep these two little ones in.. I feel like one wrong movement or one wrong kick from them and my water will break since its right at the opening of my cervix. its hard to feel like nothing you are doing is working.. or I question myself like had I quit working sooner would it have changed something.. had I gained more weight would it have helped.. I know they say it was nothing I did but I surely feel like its my fault..
Theres so much I cant put into words here that is on my mind but that will have to wait for now. thanks for reading if you are still reading this! it really helps me get it all out
None of this is your fault Amanda. If anything you should feel proud that you've kept those two troublemakers in as long as you have. Every pregnancy is different. Your body has changed since you had Amelia. You keep doing what you are doing. You are an amazing mother! You are sacrificing time away from Amelia and Matt to keep those girls safe and sound. Big hugs from far away!
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